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WE HUMANS are very quick to judge new acquaintances.
When
a new person comes into our orbit the amygdala and posterior cingular
cortex in our brain (now we’re just showing off) go into overdrive and
work together to compute our first impressions of the other person.
Psychologists
believe there are a number of techniques you can use to influence this
first impression ... effectively tricking people into liking you.
Here’s how to influence that first impression
GIVE THEM A REASON TO TRUST YOU
A few years ago a team
of researchers at New York University examined the neuroscience of how
people form these first impressions. One of the key takeaway points from
their findings was one of the best ways to take advantage of a first
impression is to give people a reason to trust and value you.
“bringing up shared social connections is probably one of the best ways
to establish trust, and get what I like to call the ‘not a lunatic’
seal of approval.
“Shared activities, mutual acquaintances, common
LinkedIn connections ... Remember, you’re doing this to work around
more primitive (and therefore faster) areas of the brain, and the
ultimate goal is to give someone the impression that it’s not only OK
for the other person to get close to you, but that it would be well
worth their time.”
Flash the pearly whites with a Duchenne smile
FLASH THEM A DUCHENNE SMILE
This particular type of
smile involves contraction of both the zygomatic major muscle (which
raises the corners of the mouth) and the orbicularis oculi muscle (which
raises the cheeks and forms crow’s-feet around the eyes).
The
smile is primarily produced when people are sincere and happy, and is
seen as a sign of true affiliation and interest in co-operating with
another person.
In an interview with Business Insider, Leil Lowndes, author or How to Talk to Anyone said people should avoid the immediate smile when first meeting someone, instead holding off for just a few seconds.
Pause
and look at the other person’s face for a second, and then let a “big,
warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your
eyes”.
Brush up on your current affairs to strike a bit of small talk.
BRUSH UP ON YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF CURRENT AFFAIRS
You’re
at a party or a ring-in at a dinner, and there’s no way you are going
to start the night by talking about the weather. Expert advice suggests
brushing up on your current affairs knowledge as a good icebreaker and
area or conversation.
David Epstein, author of the popular book The Sports Gene said sport was also a great way to get in to conversation with a new acquaintance.
“Like it or not, sports news makes for great small talk,” Mr Epstein told The Independent.
“And
you only need to know a little to make an instant emotional connection
with a sports fan. “It’s a sliver of instant intimacy.”
Small favours go a long way when making friends.
ASK YOUR NEW ACQUAINTANCE TO DO YOU A SMALL FAVOUR
We
aren’t talking big favours here, like ‘can you wash my car’ or ‘can you
mind my cat for the weekend,’ think small — like, ‘can you pass the red
wine’ or ‘can I borrow your salt and pepper’.
Research indicates that if you do a small favour for someone, you tend to like that person more as a result. Really?
Known
as the Ben Franklin effect, the reason this works is because we justify
our actions to ourselves by assuming that we did the favour for someone
because we like them.
Mr Franklin famously said “he that has once
done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom
you yourself have obliged”.
So don’t be afraid to ask a small favour next time!
